I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!

So, I'm dangerously close to just starting my own blog. We would have 2, one for cute family stuff, and one for me and my adventures and wild imagination...let me know if any of you have an opinion...

Anyway, I found something online while I was making my Christmas list that caught my eye and now has engaged my obsession...

Again, it's another one of those ideas that you have and think "man, I'd make a billion million dollars if I could make that" and then you see it in a store and just feel like you missed out on your winning lottery ticket.

It's a pair of shoes that you can hike or climb or swim or run in. Except, they are like toe socks.

I have ALWAYS run faster barefoot. It's easier to get propulsion when you're bounding off your toes and not the ball of your foot.

I wanted a shoe that would let me pick something up with my toes, would let me feel what I'm walking on, or let me hang from a tree a strangle my prey with my feet!

This is exactly what I want.

For the love of all that is good and holy...Someone needs to get me these for Christmas. Either that or Injinji Outdoor sock. Both of which I will need in order to start my own reality TV show.

I intend to make Bear Brylles in the forest look like child in a jungle gym. We'll call it Feral Phil and I'll eat bugs and drink poo juice and all that stuff he does. That's what it takes to be a man, right? I'll bet he's never even HEARD of the bravery test...

Bravery Test

One day, in the glorious apartment of bachelors, we had the hankering to prove our manhood to eachother. We had heard tales of the "bravery test". Of course, this piqued our curiosity at its sheer mention and we decided we must do it.

Many years later, the same group of men gathered together in a smaller apartment, as friends, a band of brothers, and we took it upon ourselves to renew the embarrassing bond that drove us together so long ago.

However, being a boy is a messy business fraught with danger and useless peril. So, we gathered the ingredients for disaster...a plate of water, bread, paper towels, a lighter, and several large glasses...

This is just as bad as it sounds.

We all took our shirts off, which was blinding for most everyone in the room when I took my shirt off and the mood quickly turned to awe inspiring when Mason and Ammon removed their top layers. The perfectly sculpted bodies of solid muscle and chiseled features made the rest of us uncomfortable with ourselves.

Anyway, follow along with this easy to read, step by step guide to manhood.

The Bravery Test

1. Soak bread in the plate of water and place on your stomache, ABOVE the belly button (if applicable).

2. Light the paper on fire. Let it get a good fire going...

3. Cover the ball of fire with a glass, works best with mason jars, but anything with a wide enough mouth will work.

And there you have it. You're a man.

The wet bread is to protect your stomache from burning. The burning paper is to suck all the oxygen out of the glass when you cover it. After you cover it, your stomache gets vacuumed into the glass by quite a bit. It's a very disorienting and almost scary feeling. DO NOT GET IT ON YOUR BELLY BUTTON. YOU WILL COME UNDONE AND SPILL YOUR INTESTINES.

Afterward, you stand up and try really hard NOT to laugh or make a muscle because it hurts when you resist the suction.

Enjoy, and sorry about the topless photos.