Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Bravery Test

One day, in the glorious apartment of bachelors, we had the hankering to prove our manhood to eachother. We had heard tales of the "bravery test". Of course, this piqued our curiosity at its sheer mention and we decided we must do it.
Many years later, the same group of men gathered together in a smaller apartment, as friends, a band of brothers, and we took it upon ourselves to renew the embarrassing bond that drove us together so long ago.
However, being a boy is a messy business fraught with danger and useless peril. So, we gathered the ingredients for disaster...a plate of water, bread, paper towels, a lighter, and several large glasses...
This is just as bad as it sounds.
We all took our shirts off, which was blinding for most everyone in the room when I took my shirt off and the mood quickly turned to awe inspiring when Mason and Ammon removed their top layers. The perfectly sculpted bodies of solid muscle and chiseled features made the rest of us uncomfortable with ourselves.
Anyway, follow along with this easy to read, step by step guide to manhood.
The Bravery Test

1. Soak bread in the plate of water and place on your stomache, ABOVE the belly button (if applicable).

2. Light the paper on fire. Let it get a good fire going...

3. Cover the ball of fire with a glass, works best with mason jars, but anything with a wide enough mouth will work.

And there you have it. You're a man.

The wet bread is to protect your stomache from burning. The burning paper is to suck all the oxygen out of the glass when you cover it. After you cover it, your stomache gets vacuumed into the glass by quite a bit. It's a very disorienting and almost scary feeling. DO NOT GET IT ON YOUR BELLY BUTTON. YOU WILL COME UNDONE AND SPILL YOUR INTESTINES.

Afterward, you stand up and try really hard NOT to laugh or make a muscle because it hurts when you resist the suction.

Enjoy, and sorry about the topless photos.

1 comment:

Katrina said...

Why is there 5 guys in the picture and only 3 of you have matching tats? We're the other two not (turtle-y enough for the turtle club) manly enough? BTW, I heard Katrinaism is contagious.